When I moved to Missouri one of my priorities was to never live in an apartment again. Being a rhetorician, I was even more specific than that; I was to never live in another shared building again. What I found out this month is that a bat changes everything.

I like to use the Ben Franklin close when making major decisions. Once the pros and cons are lined up on paper (or in my case, virtual paper), complex decisions become easier. Here’s the column A lineup:

1. ✦    Charming 1920s brick Tudor with Hobbit-like wooden door, interior archways, and two original brass art deco chandeliers that are really impressive.
   

2. ✦    An easy walk or bike ride to campus in a bike-friendly neighborhood
   

3. ✦    Landlord allows cats with non-refundable deposit.
   

4. ✦    Landlord has committed to replacement windows (needed ).
   

5. ✦    I really, really hate moving with the deep knowledge that someone who has moved twenty-four times has. That makes staying the default choice over moving unless there are inarguable reasons for moving.
   

Now here’s column B:

1. ➡    Even though my landlord put on a new roof in May 2007, it wasn’t the best job and it caused massive leaking in the back bedroom. I lost some books over that, and the temporary fix that I watched them do has defaulted into the permanent fix. Dicey.
   

2. ➡    The water in the ceiling area and walls in the living room and both bedrooms (the MBR has damage from before my move-in) has created mold. The landlord believes that water damage dries out with no further interior damage and thinks my belief that the house is now full of mold inside the walls/ceilings is silly. My inhaler use increasing from none to once or twice a day says otherwise.
   

3. ➡ Leaky, water-damaged and rotting windows with missing storms and some missing screens.
   

4. ➡Winter energy cost high because of the windows--250-300 a month in winter for 850 square feet. The windows were not replaced this spring, and what I thought was a commitment to do so when I renewed the lease seven months in advance (notices go out in January for August renewal), really was a commitment to do so someday.
   

5. ➡Basement flooded three times so far this year. That’s not his fault, but it has aggravated the mold level and left me without heat twice and  AC once. It also put my washer and dryer in risk of damage each time and kept them out of commission while they dried out.
   

The depth of how much I hate moving can be measured by the fact that given all the items in column B, I was only going to think about not renewing in January, which would mean finding a new place for August 2009. I hated the idea of one more expensive winter, but also knew the flooding in Missouri this year has made it an expensive year for landlords with multiple properties, thus the delay on the replacement windows. Enter the bat.

I wish I did know how the bat entered the house, but the truth is, there are way too many possibilities for how a bat could get into this house. One of my Sunday School Class members is a former public health nurse, and she told me that the vast majority of human rabies cases in Greene county are caused by bat bites. Just to make it scarier, she noted that people almost never know they’ve been bitten  because it happens while they sleep and the bite itself looks much like a mosquito bite. So, short version of the Ben Franklin: theoretical mold--bad, but not provable. Theoretical replacement windows--good, but no timeframe. Real bat in my living room chased out the front door with a floor lamp--surprisingly hard to not think about when trying to sleep at night.

So, my really not-awful landlord is letting me get out of my lease renewal if i want to move at long as I let him know by the 30th. I’m looking at other places now and may end up in a newer duplex, one that lacks all the charm this house has, but has an attached 2-car garage with openers, thermopane windows, and no bat. Research, writing, and other academic work may slow down for a bit while I deal with this.